My liver just broke up with me...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
