the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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