why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
