Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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