what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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