just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
