I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
