he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
