dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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