so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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