The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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