i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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