is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
