Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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