hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Someone signed my nipple.
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