Got a toothbrush?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
