she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
