Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
