How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
