i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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