where am i from again
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
