At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
