the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
