the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
