and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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