somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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