Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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