i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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