I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
