shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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