That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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