if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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