After last night, I could never be a politician.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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