i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
