Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
