just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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