So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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