I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
