Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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