I'm really into asian looking animals
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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