Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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