I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
