Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
