I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
