i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
