Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
