I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
