My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
