I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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