He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
