what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
