It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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