dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
